Richard Barbee Marriage Counselor Knoxville TN

In Matthew 6, Jesus speaks to the multitudes saying:

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon the earth, where moth and rust doth consume, and where thieves break in and steal;

But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth consume, and where thieves do not break through nor steal;

For where the treasure is, there will they heart be also

Like you, I have read and heard this many times. Recently, I was re-reading “The Cost of Discipleship” by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. In the chapter titled “The Simplicity of the Carefree Life”, Bonhoeffer reviews the importance of placing possessions, status, money, and achievements in proper perspective. We all need that reminder at least once a day….right?  Bonhoeffer’s admonishment is that follows of Jesus Christ must pay close attention to the attachments of the heart, the connections with things that last.

Yet, when I read this passage again, I began thinking about the nature of God’s directions to us. I have always believed that God’s precepts and mandates are not designed to place unreasonable, heavy burdens on us, to deny every impulse we have. I believe that God is a good parent and gives us safe, protective guidance. What is the bigger message of Jesus’ words in Matthew 6?  Clearly, laying up treasures in heaven refers to building a life in which we choose actions related to service, sacrifice, giving, forgiving, thinking eternally, acting righteously.  If our life is spent collecting things and achieving status, we enter heaven empty-handed.

In my work as a therapist, I see the stress and volatility that many people experience. Many of my clients feel up and down on a daily basis. I mention this NOT to judge or belittle. It is just that I see the emotional turmoil of daily crises and dramas.  When our hearts are attached to fleeting illusions or temporary possessions, we set ourselves up for big disappointment and utter futility.  If we value things and positions, our hearts’ foundation is built upon ideas and possessions that can so easily be lost.  What type of strategy is it to built the bedrock of our heart on cars, clothes, status, or wealth? Has Jesus not warned us of the consequences?

We are not robots or dispassionate entities in life. Events and relationships matter. Events and relationships affect us. It does feel good to achieve a diploma, a promotion, some savings, etc.  Productivity in a responsible life will bring good things like this.  But where is the heart?  By heart, we refer to the part of us that produces our sense of identity, purpose, value, and meaning.  From where does you sense of purpose and position flow?

Yet, is Jesus trying to protect us from the hyper-volatility and instability of misplaced priorities and values? I believe that God wants us to grow into a non-reactive maturity that communicates a sense of consistent trust in His control.  At the time we choose to place our heart toward higher, eternal purposes, we gain traction and balance.  Our minds are directed in sounder, firmer paths.  There is no reason to feel devastated by a loss on earth when we are assured of eternal life, when we are close to God.  Several Christian authors have written about understanding our identity in Christ, and those works are valuable.  The point is simply that if we need possessions and positions to feel good about life, our hearts are misdirected.  We will experience a roller coaster of emotion and doubt and even resentment if we do not HAVE what we feel we need to be OK.

When we put the vast majority of our thoughts and actions in acquiring, keeping, and maintaining possessions or status or even relationships, we put ourselves in danger of severe emotional turbulence. If we follow Jesus’ teaching and believe that our meaning is not found in what we have, it is far more possible to achieve this non-reactive maturity.  Maturity comes after experience, loss, learning, pain, and perspective.  I believe that God wants mature believers operating in this world.  It seems clear to me that far too many immature believers and false believers have done enough damage.

It gives me a lot of happiness to see my son beam with pride over a new toy. It hurts me to see my son fret and cry over a broken toy. He is 4. I expect it.  I am 40. I would hope that my relationship with God and perspective on life is not tied up in big boy toys, status, wealth, or whatever. If we would just listen to Jesus again, we could save ourselves so much heartache, wasted effort, nonsensical drama.  Our heart IS where we get our sense of comfort and safety.  Where is that for you?  If we find that our heart is not with heavenly matters……

What is the cure? Give something important away…………the same advice that Jesus gave to the rich young ruler. It is not a miracle cure. It is a first step, a gesture of serious motive. We rid ourselves of the one or two things that we are convinced that we need to survive. What is another step? Give your time to helping others get something important. By helping another person achieve a great thing, we take a step awa from serving ourselves only.  Or, how about taking time to get alone for a day or two and reflect on the way you spend your time?  Reflection and introspection (stopping in our tracks, thinking about our actions, seeking feedback from others) is a rare discipline these days.

Whatever we choose to do, we must refuse to live a life lacking intention and direction.

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Richard Barbee, licensed marriage and family therapist in Knoxville, writes about his experiences ….  

 My son was playing in his room tonight.  He was gathering his Bakugan to place them back in the carrying case.  Then it struck, a moment of dark realization, he could not find one of the pieces.  

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The look upon his face conveyed two powerful messages:  Great concern for the missing Bakugan AND Additional care for the Bakugan that remained with him.  

As I saw Maddox wrap his arm around the case containing the pieces that remained with him, I was touched by my son’s commitment to caring for that which was precious to him.  While looking for the lost piece, he guarded the others with equal diligence.  

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My thoughts turned to my feelings of fatherhood.  Whenever I am in a store and lose sight of one of the boys for a few seconds, the precursors of panic are definitely present.  If I see one and not the other, I scoop up the boy with me and begin the search.  When my boys are staying the night with a family member, I don’t sleep well.  It comforts me to know that my boys are safe.  

Beyond this, my attention was drawn to the story of the lost sheep.  As Jesus told it, one sheep became lost.  The Shepherd was compelled by love to abandon the 99 present sheep and find the one lost sheep.  It is a story of the love of God.  God runs in abandonment, reckless abandonment to those He loves.  There is an element of irrational impulse in God’s love.  If you have ever read Brennan Manning’s work, you can get a glimpse of the “violent love of God.”  It is a love that tears and pushes to get to the person, the human being, that is loved.  God’s love is more passionate than any Hollywood romance or Shakespearean love story.   

It is too much to believe the Good Shepherd would cross sand and stone, with hurried pace, with tunnel vision, to get to you.  Then, He catches first sight of you. He runs.  Dare we believe His gentle touch to our cheek as He embraces with absolute honesty.  Is it too much to believe that we are loved that much?  

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You see, when we finally know that we are loved to this impossible degree, there is no reason to continue chasing a substitute.  Before this, many of our choices are directed toward getting this feeling, whether real or fake or permanent or temporary.  When we are found, forever found, finally found, we no longer have to travel those lost paths that created panic in the heart of the Good Shepherd.  Our actions and motives become cleaner, more productive, more efficient, free.  The obvious message of the parable is that even when we are drawn astray by our desires, God will seek us out with immediate action.  

The part of the story that got me tonight is that God does not abandon the 99.  As I watched Maddox shelter the present Bakugan, I got a feeling that the Good Shepherd never stops doing His job.  It is His duty and His passion and a reflection of His character.  God loves the lost AS he harbors the found.  While the feast is prepared for the returned prodigal, God reminds the present son of his full inheritance.  As the disciples debated about who would be greatest in the kingdom of God, the loving message of Jesus was that there is no greatest, no favorites.  God’s love is too great and too sure to be subjected to sanctimonious motivation or politics.  

Maddox did not find his lost Bakugan.  He fell asleep with the lost one on his mind.  Lord, please give me the devotion to You and the lost that my son showed to a plastic game piece.  

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Thank you for visting www.knoxvillefamily.com .  This is a new site devoted to the families, couples, and individuals of the Knoxville, TN area.  Please take a few minutes to explore the site.  Though still under development, the KFF site  will grow into a resource for a wide variety of family, marriage, and relationship issues. 

Richard Barbee is the founder and chief blogger for the site.  He has been a licensed marriage and family therapist in TN since 2002.  Richard has a great deal of experience with issues regarding marriage( before, during and after), addiction, domestic violence, mood disorders (depression, anxiety, etc.), child behavior problems, trauma assessment and recovery, and more. 

It seems clear that the therapy process is difficult to start, difficult to continue, and filled with challenges.  It is very important to work with a skilled therapist that shares your values and provides a comfortable setting for you.  Given all the discomfort of the therapy process, remember that change is worth it. 

Please consider viewing this blog on a regular basis.  You can sign up to have the blog sent to you with each new entry.  We have a presence on Facebook Fan Pages.  You can view some of the blogs on my church’s site First Baptist Concord.  And, you can sign up for our email newsletter by emailing “sign me up” to Richard’s email. 

Thank you for reading. 

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